Thievius Raccoounus: Slytunkamen Cooper

Chapter 1
1-23
Today, I have stolen the precious jewels of Pharaoh Nefertiti. My collection now includes three emeralds, four rubies, and a sapphire. I have seceded in twenty-three consecutive crimes and have yet to be caught and executed.
1-25
I have been having many dreams of a strange bird tearing me apart. I fear this may be more than a dream and wish to not leave my child without protection. I have decided to treat this book as a collection of my family’s collection and shall enclose detailed instructions about how to use any abilities my legacy discovers.
3-05
I have been laying low for a few months practicing my new technique. I have found out a way to blend into my background so well that I appear to be non-present! Here is how you do so:
First, you must concentrate as much as possible on your background. Picture your body as if it your skin were the same color as the background. Then, crouch either low against the floor or up against the wall. With enough practice, you should be able to blend in. The only drawback is that you cannot move when using this technique. Also, if an enemy has spotted you and you are still in his line of vision, he will NOT be fooled.